silly girl …

omg ! omg ! omg ! closure in any relationship is so important and i don’t know why i’m acting like i just came to this realization because i know this ! i’ve known all along and i think i was just ignoring it until i finally got it !

i finally figured out how to get closure without acting like a silly girl … basically because it’s been a lot of closure with boys i never actually dated and friends who never really appreciated me … oops ! HOWEVER, it took “tipsy after four bud lights tay” to finally get it from two people and i’m so happy !

that “i feel like a weight was just lifted from shoulders” saying truly applies to this type of situation and i could have never understood that until now ! because the entire point of this summer is to get it through my big ass head that i can’t make people care about me !!

so i’m starting to tell myself … silly girl, you can’t make him love you. silly girl, you can’t make him trust you. silly girl, you can’t make him want you.

!!! AND IT’S WORKING !!!

when it was 1:04am on saturday and i texted both of these dudes, i had no idea what was going to happen ! but what did happen amazed me because one of them didn’t reply which is closure within itself and one of them helped me close a door i’d left propped open ! the spontaneous decision i made while feeling very emotional paid off in a way i hadn’t really thought about!

i’d tried to hold out hope that the “power couple” image was still in the cards for us, but when he replied i knew that was off the table! when he told me it was “nice of me to reach out” and “maybe we’ll hang out again”, i had a gut feeling they were just words! i didn’t get my hopes up and i was proud of myself for not falling into his trap ! because truth be told, if he asked me on a date right now i’d 100% say yes, but i’m over just “hanging out” with no promise of a future. i’m completely over him stringing me along and saying things he doesn’t mean because i’m only saying what i mean now and he probably wouldn’t want to hear it. closure was that fact that he kept saying i was welcome over anytime and i politely declined with a reason why it’s a bad idea!

closure is me knowing he’ll never ask me on that date because it’s not who he is and i’m not who he wants !! 🙂

it wasn’t just these two dudes that guided me, it’s been a lot of factors over the year … but i’m learning that i deserve better ! i deserve to find my fiji water because i’m drinking some other girl’s and it tastes like tap ! i deserve to find my star because i’m tired of looking at everyone else’s ! i deserve to find my sunshine on a cloudy day and my bright strike of lightening during a thunderstorm because that’s what makes me happy !!

this summer isn’t just about my happiness though, it’s about helping others realize they deserve the world too !

so for those of you who know you’ve found your own bottle of fiji water, your own star in the sky, your own sunshine, and your own lightening strike … i want to say congratulations! you’ve found it now hold on to it because it doesn’t come around very much and we need to appreciate it more !!

for those of you that are still looking, don’t worry because we’re in this together ! the best place to start is inside of yourself ! find who you truly want to be and once you do that everything else will start falling into place! don’t be like me and try to make things happen that aren’t under your control !

kanye said it best when he said, “i let it all go, of everything i know, and nothing hurts anymore, i feel kinda free.” i let go of everything i thought i knew and i started making mistakes! i started living in the now and stopped trying to guide my life in the direction i wanted it to go and i felt so much better! when i stopped trying to make things happen and just started letting them happen i found happiness ! and i started telling myself …

silly girl, you can’t make him love you but you can love yourself !! 🙂

so im doing it, i’m loving myself and i’m living my best life ! any of y’all reading this should try it because i promise the weight will be lifted off your shoulders too !! go live your best life and love yourself like you deserve.

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