the most logical way to start this post is to obvi update y’all on what i’ve been doing !! so here goes nothing …
i wore the same shirt to the gym TWO days in a row, i’ve been dreading every shower i’ve had to take, and my body is acting weird ! the inter workings of what actually happens inside of me feels a little off track ! i’m disgusting, right ? no ya, it’s okay if ya think so because GUESS WHAT …
God still freaking loves me !
He loves the fact that i wore this sweaty and smelly shirt two days in a row, it’s just a workout ! God loves me, way more than I can comprehend, no matter how hard i try ! BUT GUESS WHAT ELSE !!!
I FREAKING LOVE MYSELF !!
lately i’ve been so sick and tired of trying to get people to understand just how much i care about them. i’m sick and tired of putting effort into relationships that are seasonal and not meant for a lifetime ! so being the person that i am, i decided to just stop! i literally stopped trying to make people understand why i do the things i do, and let me tell y’all what happened when i did that …
i lost some people who didn’t have my best interests at heart , but i FOUND MYSELF!
are my capital letters annoying you yet ? TOO BAD ! i’ve wasted so much time focusing on other people’s bullshit and i was losing myself in the process. i was wasting my days away laying around and watching movies. don’t get me wrong, that’s a good way to spend a sunday but i was doing it every morning.
every. single. day.
i would waste hours just staring at my phone with my favorite movies playing in the background and before i knew it the clock said 1. i would then get up and rush around because i had to babysit, but on the days when i didn’t have to watch children and the clock read 1 my lazy ass took a nap! i didn’t do anything to deserve a nap, i hadn’t even gotten out of bed to pee! but then something crazy happened … my twitter timeline became filled with all of these people tweeting about loving themselves and being done with the games and i was shaken awake !
tweets like: “block his number and enjoy ur summer”, “shoot ur shot before i wild out this summer”, and “idc who i lose anymore, as long as i dont lose myself again, im good” … tweets like this were messing with my menty ! i was laying there reading them like why tf is this so relevant ? and i was saying things like “hey taylor, get outta bed and go make yourself proud” !!
FINALLY, my brain and my heart were on the same page and i did just that! i set alarms yesterday morning to get up and go workout. i might of snoozed four of them but i made it to the gym by 10:30 and made my body and my mind remember why the gym is a safe place ! i did some booty work, ran for a little while, and worked on the abs that y’all can see yet, but i know are there ! i remembered what it meant to do something for me and my heart was happy !
so naturally i did the same thing this morning and found my inner peace in that empty gym! i came back and made myself a bomb breakfast and then proceeded to sit outside and read while i ate. i think i’ve been out here for almost two hours now and i’m so freaking content.
if y’all must know why, pick up the book “life is _____.” by judah smith and understand what i’m understanding ! i’m understanding that while my love for those around me might go unnoticed, i need to notice God’s love for me and my love for myself ! cause God is so freaking awesome and while i may never be able to i truly just want to love like he loves !
i want to love myself the way he loves me, so i can better love those around me in the same way !
my first step is saying “screw you” to the people who have done me wrong! when the booty is poppin’ and i’m only caught living my best life i can only hope that those who fucked me over have found their own happiness !! i’m too tired to keep wishing the worst upon people, God wants the best for everyone no matter what and i’m gonna start living that way too !
so if ya need a little motivation to get up and go sweat some pounds off then this is it !! stop focusing on all of the bad shit happening around you and start focusing on the good within you !! we all have a lot of good in us, that’s just how we’re programmed. it’s summer 2018, we all deserve to just be our best selves !
i’m literally and figuratively running towards my best self this summer, i hope and pray y’all can do the same !! im truly sworking on me and you should too !! 🙂