PLUVIOPHILE – (n) a lover of rain; someone who finds joy and peace of mind during rainy days
i woke up this morning thinking i just needed a personal day. i skipped 6am practice and my 8am class; i just wasn’t feeling up to any of it. i woke up and was still tired, i was feeling the burden of pre-stress weighing me down. i wasn’t prepared for my classes and i didn’t think i’d be able to sit through a single one of them without dozing off. i rolled out of bed at 9:10 accepting the fact that i would go to class looking and feeling like a bum. i met han on the staircase and we accepted the fact that it just wasn’t going to be our day. but then something happened …
… IT WAS RAINING !! i let it run down my face, seep through my shirt, and purposefully walked through puddle after puddle. the sun wasn’t shining, but i was happy. my heart was full, and all of my problems suddenly didn’t seem so big. the pre-stress worries disappeared and i realized i needed this.
i needed a rainy day.
i’ve been so worried about what people will think about me and i’ve been making myself sick questioning why i’m not good enough, that i lost myself for a little while. i lost myself in the comments and the likes, and i lost sight of my goals. i forgot to remember to do what makes me happy. lately i’ve been so distracted by what people are saying about me that i simply forgot to be me.
one of my biggest broken pieces is loving boys, but i never love them for the right reasons. i love them for the attention they give me. i love when they tell me i’m hot, not pretty and not beautiful, but hot. that’s how i know i’m reaching for something that isn’t actually there. they see the me that i show off on the outside, but they never see the me that i am on the inside. i’d rather be intelligent, witty, sophisticated, but i’m settling for hot. why am i always settling?
i’m settling because i get comfortable. i get comfortable when a boy is attracted to the me i am on instagram, the me i am in their minds. that’s not the real me though. i needed this rainy day to remind me of my worth. i needed it to remind me that i’m beautiful and smart, not hot.
so, i took han on an adventure. i gave her my umbrella so she didn’t get wet and we drove to my favorite mural after class. a mural i’ve been searching for, a mural i needed to see on this rainy day. i gave her my phone and stood in front of it, she stepped into her photographer role and took pictures of the girl i really am …
… the girl that loves the rain, needs the rain to find her peace and joy in life. as i stood there smiling for the camera, laughing at the many attempts before i found one picture that was just right, i felt that peace and joy. i felt my happiness and it was overwhelming.
the rain was coming down hard. it soaked my t-shirt and my jeans. my birks were a new shade of brown and my hair was growing by the minute, but i was happy. i needed the rain to wash away all of the bad i’d been sitting in and overwhelm me with the good i needed to remember.
we all think we’re going through something worse than the person sitting next to us. we never think anyone will understand what we’re dealing with because how could they? we isolate ourselves in a bubble and never talk about our problems because we just don’t feel there is someone worthy of knowing. i’m guilty of it. guilty of never accepting what i deserve and always settling for less than i’m worth simply because i don’t think people will understand. but the rain spoke to me today, there is always someone in your life to talk to. i talk to han and she talks to me. we’ve found a bond that cannot be broken and i’m grateful for that. i’m grateful she reminds me of my worth and my beauty when a dumb boy tries to tear me down. she proved to me that she is there for me when she embarked on an hour and a half journey in the rain to make me happy.
i challenge anyone reading this to find that person! go out on a rainy day and let the water wash away your stress and your fears. let your guard down, get a little wet, and remember what it feels like to love yourself. remember what it feels like to surround yourself with people who remind you of your worth.
drop the boy who says he isn’t ready, if it’s meant to be said boy will come back. drop your friend who constantly criticizes you, if said friend was true to you they’d never make you feel bad about yourself. live the life that makes you happy, do the things that make you happy.
i needed this rainy day to remind me what makes me happy. i needed it to remind me who i am. i needed it to realize that rainy days help me grow and it’s time to embrace the storms. why do you need it?
i challenge y’all to get out and dance and the rain. i challenge you to look up and let a rain drop hit you in the eye (it happened today). i challenge you to be yourself. get comfortable in your own skin and love who you are. it won’t rain forever and the sun will shine eventually, but sometimes we need a reminder to be happy being who we are.
today the rain was my reminder to be happy being me, and now i’m here to be yours …
… love who you are because it’s all ya got! be happy being who you are because those who love you will support you no matter what!
be happy being you no matter what. your broken is what makes you who you are and my broken is what makes me who i am. i’m embracing the storms and running through them. sunshine is only a day away, but i’m happy just smiling through the rain. 💛