1. “God brought him into your life to show you that he ain’t shit.”
Wipe your tears and get back to swipin’! There’s plenty of fish in the sea!
2. Dropping out becomes something I actually consider.
Stripping looks better and better everyday!
3. True friends are hard to come by.
But when you find someone who also fucks with HGTV, you let Han initiate them as a homie and move on with your night!
4. Fake friends are easy to spot out when you’re drunk!
When they’re laughing while you puke you don’t invite them to Sunday brunch!
5. Drinking away your problems always seems like a good idea!
Until you wake up with more problems and a nasty hangover!
6. I still don’t know what I want to do with my life!
7. The past is the past for a reason!
Text your ex has become real!
8. Twitter counts as a friend.
That bitch doesn’t talk back!
9. When people ask what you’re doing when you graduate you have that “oh shit!” moment!
If the past is the past for a reason, shouldn’t the future be the future for a reason? #yolo
10. I have an addiction to shoe shopping!
Bro, you think you have more shoes than me? You don’t!
11. There are certain people we only talk to when we’re drunk.
That same ex, the old best friend, that fuck boy from class, etc…
12. Netflix is bae!
Until you finish the series and have nothing to watch. Even Netflix doesn’t love me!
13. Breakdowns are serious!
Crying on the way to your 9:30 finance class seems fine until you meet with your professor at 10:30 and cry some more… When noon hits I’m back to thriving!
14. Trap rap and cookie dough are essentials!
The greatest combination since Kimye!
15. Naps when you wake up and don’t know who or where you are are a must!
Need I say more?
16. Don’t wear your nice clothes into the dining hall!!
There’s nothing worse than leaving with your fresh NorthFace smelling like ass!
17. I need a tall boyfriend to reach the top shelf of my closet!
The step stool and the mini fridge aren’t cutting it, this short girl still struggles!
18. No matter how much alcohol I drink my foot is still broken.
It doesn’t matter if it’s José, Jack, Captain, or Tito, the foot is still broken!
19. Bye Indiana, hello Chicago!
Your girl needs front row season tickets to Soldier Field so she can meet her sugar daddy!
20. The side of the highway is always an acceptable bathroom!
You gotta go no matter where ya go!
21. Drinking is no longer reserved for the weekends!
Whether it’s vodka on a Monday or a beer on thirsty Thursday, the boozing is no longer limited to Friday and Saturday nights!
If this is what I’ve learned in the first 21 days, I don’t want to know where the second 21 days lead me!